I'm recording this for posterity. Kind of a story of how things got here. How the end happened... Well, if only I knew. Winter kept getting warmer, suddenly there was no winter. There was a heat wave in December in the northern hemisphere that broke all records. There was supposed to be snow in Montana, but not this time. People were terrified. We hadn't had snow for ten years prior, but a heat wave? It was killing livestock, burning crops. Anyone who wasn't taking water from a lake ran out almost immediately. Then the lakes ran dry. Then people killed each other trying not to die. Eventually lack of water took hold and within a few weeks of that, no one was left around. 

There were the people who hid during that time. People like me, living alone, but also towns like Vacation, where I'm headed to right now. People left in droves to go to the city to access running water. 350 remained behind, hid themselves in various cellars and made the town look abandoned. There were a couple underground aquafers on private property and the owners were willing to reveal that they had water when the town got small enough. There's no sense in trying to help 7000 people at once, somebody will just kill you when you try to ration the water. I've seen it happen a few times.

Anyway, that was how it happened. No one could find anyone in power. Politicians, engineers, scientists, not a single soul could find any of these brainy types to help them figure out what was happening. he cops were useless. They barricaded themselves in their stations trying to wait out the population while they died. Some say the police knew and were stockpiling water and ammunition. Everyone seems to think that they all had bunkers, I mean the politicians and scientists. Left all of us here out of the loop and in a desperate scramble. 

I've been told that D.C. became a warzone. National guard versus the cops versus the people, etc. I don't see how anyone could know that this far out. There was no more long-range communication. You needed serious electricity for that, you can't just turn a wheel in the river even if the rivers were still flowing.

I'm passing that damn sign, now. A billboard on the side of what used to be the I-90. It says Apocalypse, now! Like they're demanding it. Wishing for it.

I see that sign every time I do my runs between towns. I go past it now, thinking the same thing every time I make this trip. There were probably signs like that everywhere in the country if they still stand like this one. Dooming the apocalypse to the ambiguity of prophecy. It must have come from the feeling that a bright future was not possible in some cosmic sense.

Hang on, I have to wind the truck around potholes that will never be repaired again. 

Vacation, an odd name for an odd little town of 350 people, is only another 30 miles away. At this pace it'll take me an hour to get there. So, I'm recording this on an old device I found preserved in a shed. I'll transcribe it later. Anyway...

Maybe they felt like it had to happen. Felt that the "zero day" or "end times" or whatever was a kind of baptism of fire. Felt that there was some inequality, some imbalance with the order of how things should be that a whole lot of us just had to die if it was ever going to right itself. I hope they got what they wished for. Because it turns out that the end didn't fix anything. Nothing has been fixed by magical fire in the 25 years since it happened. We had to do everything ourselves. I was a young man then. I am older now, though I forgot whether I'm 48 or 50.

I do these runs in an effort to keep communities connected. I have the only working vehicle that can go the distance without guzzling too much fuel. I send packages, gifts, letters and seeds for trading. It works and people survive. But I have to see that God damn sign every time. A sign that reminds me of two kinds of people. One kind so privileged in their ignorance that they could call on an apocalypse and never understand it's actual horror. The other kind so hopeless with the way things were going they prayed to the apocalypse via great statues, like this very billboard. Prayed for it to fix things for them because they felt powerless. It's funny how the powerless and powerful both wished for the same thing. The death of most people.

There is a wall of sand south of here. Probably a storm kicking up the desert on its way here. It's about 200 miles away, give or take. I should make it to Vacation in time, but I'll have to hunker down at the motel. Julie should be fine with that. She's always happy to see me. I think she likes me. Hah! Listen to me wonder like a damn teenager! I'm an adult, I'll just ask her out. She's 42, so... But what do I say? I don't want to offend her or make these visits awkward. Hmm... maybe this isn't as easy as just asking. But it's the end of the world. You have to make the move, Jacob. You have to make your move... But next time. You have to think of something good to say. Anyway, back to the, uh, scheduled program...

If you asked any of those people who wanted the end to come, who wanted a reset, they would try to convince you that you were crazy for telling them they wanted people to die. But they did want it. They couldn't mention God without prophecy of the end of days filling their hearts with a kind of wretched joy. A God of love begotten by an apocalypse of hate. They waited for everyone else to get their comeuppance so they could triumph by comparison like moral gold being unearthed by some harsh, destructive mining process. Any time a violent death was brought to the news, people couldn't turn away. They paid subscriptions in fact for this news. But every time a homeless person needed 5 bucks, they turned away from that just fine.

Listen to me bloody preach again. Like I was any better. Maybe that was where the apocalypse really started. A lack of consciousness forced people to march towards their own deaths by encouraging it in every way and funding it willingly. Or maybe it started when, for the first time in history, the rich and the poor wanted the same thing. They wanted to damn everyone for their mistakes.

I can't really believe that I grew up in that society. People are so much nicer now. Forced to be nicer in this cruel world. Maybe it did fix something after all. But was it worth it? Was it worth it you preachers of the end? Is there enough death for you now? Did you even survive it like you thought you would?

I used to feel so smart and so justified for thinking all of that. Probably just like those prophets of the end did. But I shut off the thoughts as I pulled into Jule's motel where they were waiting for me. Men, women and children all wanted to see the goods for trade today. I gave a smile and a wave as I got out of the truck and left the negativity in the driver's seat. The world was new now, but even these small communities of people still needed mail and trade. And I was happy to see that they got it.